"Guten Tag. It's the NSA."
In 2010, a Russian spy ring was caught in the United States. It made big news, mostly because one of the spies, Anna Chapman, looked like this -- confirming in the minds of hopeful young males all over the world that James Bond films are not mere fiction, but depictions of reality. The American media had a good laugh over the situation, amused by Russia's quaint Cold War mentality.
The Obama administration, correctly, didn't make much of a fuss over it. Ms. Chapman and her cohorts were quickly deported back to Russia. Why did the administration take this approach? Because we've got American spies in Russia, too. Actually, the U.S. has spies everywhere, and we use technology to spy on everybody, including our friends. And our friends spy on us, too.
Don't take just our word for it. Here's what former head of French intelligence Bernard Squarcini had to say:
'â??The French intelligence services know full well that all countries, whether or not they are allies in the fight against terrorism, spy on each other all the time,â? he said.â??The Americans spy on French commercial and industrial interests, and we do the same to them because itâ??s in the national interest to protect our companies.â?Â
'
That's why the latest kerfluffle over how America (allegedly) tapped German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cell phone is a bit curious. If the French openly confess to spying on America, then Germany is spying on us, too -- whether or not they're willing to admit it. So why the hypocrisy? Why are Germans so critical of America when their intelligence agency is doing the same thing?
In Germany's case, the answer may have to do with their recent past. The Germans have nasty memories of the "Stasi," the secret police of former East Germany, who extensively spied on its own citizens.
But Germans aren't the only ones who are angry. Other Europeans, including the French, expressed outrage. Why? The answer appears to be one of scale: America's surveillance program is larger and better than everybody else's.
The BBC reports:
'"Every country has weapons for spying, but most have the equivalent of a howitzer," says James Bamford, who has written extensively on the National Security Agency. "In terms of eavesdropping, the US has a nuclear weapon."'
Perhaps tapping Ms. Merkel's phone -- if the U.S. actually did that -- was a step too far in Europeans' eyes. Maybe they are correct. Americans would probably be upset if they knew President Obama's cell phone was being tapped by German intelligence.
At the same time, however, Europe's complaints ring hollow. If they admit to spying, then the disagreement isn't over diplomatic protocol, but technological ability. Europeans are simply upset that the U.S. is far better at spying than they are. That's like complaining about "bullying" after your high school football team gets beat 91-0.
The only countries that agreed not to spy on each other are part of the "Five Eyes" alliance -- U.S., UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.
But, we're probably spying on each other, anyway.
(Photo: Reuters via Der Spiegel)